Jyunishi Comedy #120

---The feelings that keep slipping past...

On the streets, people notice Akito walking by, out of breath and barefoot. Going over a fence, Akito walks into the bushes...

I'd almost ended up crying

[I didn't understand
The actual meaning of the words yet. But

It felt like I was being accepted*

My very existence

By a complete stranger.

Though I don't know if
Maybe you didn't intend it that way]

That's how little Kyo felt when Kyoko told him that it must be lonely, after he'd told her his mom was dead and his father wished him dead. That night at dinner, Kyo tells Shishou he met a strange person.

Shishou: "Strange?"

Kyo: Aa... um... But I don't mean as in a bad person...
An unusual person

(She) said
to "come again"

Even though we're not even friends.

Shishou: ...

In that case...

You'll have to go see (her) again then...

Kyo had thought that, except for Shishou, such people didn't exist. And that, while hard to believe, his having lived amidst all the denial, with his mom looking at him, always watching, attacked by his father's animosity, and with the Sohma's all looking down on him in contempt, she was like a ray of hope.

Kyo'd thought that he also really wanted to meet Tohru, but he'd only gone to see her once; that day. That time, was the only time. He couldn't stand that she seemed so lonely. He wished that they would be happy, and that their lives would be protected in happiness. To his child's heart, he didn't want her to be lonely. And so he always wondered.

Somewhere in my heart,

As though something had bloomed,

[I wondered...]

And for the first time

I went to see her.

That day, was the day that Tohru got lost, and in the end, was helped by Yuki. And despite meeting again so many years later, things ended the way they did. But...

Kyo: ...She said

"I won't forgive you..."

Kyo: Your mother...
In the middle of that pool of blood

Realised I was standing there

Told me

"I won't forgive you"...

That's definitely what

I heard...

Upon hearing those words, Kyo could no longer do anything and his mind went blank. Confused, he ran from that place. Later, Shishou found Kyo sitting in the dark in his room and asked him what had happened; and ended up taking him away to the mountains immediately.

Tohru remembers Shigure telling her that Kyo had disappeared for about four months in the mountains to train.

Kyo: ...As if

We'd been training...

[I'd come to a standstill

In the midst of darkness]

Kyo: ...Shihsou

Was trying to keep me alive
But I

Just couldn't

Forgive what I'd done

Kyo: I felt that this time for sure

There was nothing else

but for me to die

So

......

"It's not my fault..."

"It's not my fault"
"It's his"

"It's Yuki's fault"

"My hopes, that guy -"

"The rat, stole them all."

(Inside the house, Yuki wakes from his nap. Looking out the window, he sees Kyo and Tohru talking in front of the house.)

Kyo: "It's Yuki's fault"...

Kyo created a "bad guy" and made it take all responsibility. Having no grounds for such, didn't matter; just having him there was what was important. And so, anything that went wrong, was the "bad guy's" fault. And all that mattered, was Kyo being able to pretend to forget.

Kyo: Just being able

To despise the "bad guy" was what mattered......

...It was so simple.
It was like a joke, how much of a relief it was.

Passing on responsibility.

...I,
Ever since I was a kid, I've always been really good

At protecting myself in that way.

...I'm the worst, aren't I?

Kyo, feeling better, came back from the mountains and decided to live off of hatred.

[Shishou

Smiled so sadly

After Kyo came back, he was called before Akito, who'd heard from Kyo's father that he'd disappeared, and is taken to task for it. Then getting into an argument, Kyo made his bet with Akito: that if he could beat Yuki before he graduated from high school, Akito would no longer call Kyo a monster and would let him join the 12shi.

Inside Kyo was really happy to be told that. Not because he'd be able to join the 12shi, but because he'd gained another reason to hate. And so, Kyo immediately set off to see Yuki. He didn't expect to end up meeting Tohru instead.

WHY

Is she here.

I finally thought,

I'd be able to forget.

Were you trying to tell me

"As if I'd let you forget"

Kyo asks Tohru if she could forgive him; his having run away, his always running away, despite meeting her, acting like he didn't know, and his having not said anything.

[There were times I felt
frustration or felt dread

I had no intention

Of getting closely involved.

I had no intention
of falling in love]

I didn't intend it

Kyo tells Tohru that he can't forgive himself. That he too wouldn't forgive himself. And that he no longer wanted to be forgiven by Tohru.

Tohru: I won't forgive you

Tohru: ......

Is that
What I'm supposed to say...?

Inside the house, Yuki comes down the stairs and overhears their conversation as Tohru asks Kyo if her only options were to forgive or not to forgive. Tohru tells Kyo that she couldn't believe that her mother would say something like "I won't fogive you". That while she can't believe it, if, just if, her mother had indeed said that, that Tohru would have no choice but to defy her mother.

Tohru: And yet

And yet, even so
Is there nothing

I can do to make you accept

That I love you...!?

Kyo: --...
...

That's...

Such a disillusion...

Tohru remembers their conversation about her father, and how Kyo had told her:

...I won't

Be disillusioned

And is shocked. Yuki, surprised, opens the door and yells at Kyo as he runs off. Pausing before running after Kyo, Yuki tells Tohru to go inside and to dry off, or she'll catch a cold. And, muttering under his breath that Kyo's an idiot, Yuki runs after him.

Tohru likewise, turns and follows, when Akito emerges from the bushes. Wide-eyed and crying, Akito pulls out the knife...

[...I]

[Was always thinking

Only of myself

Always making my confessions.

Just saying what I wanted to say]

[And ignored

Your feelings.

And, in that way,

Without being able to apologise,

Never

Being able to meet again in this world. I'm supposed
To have "known"

That that sort of thing can happen.]

[If you keep repeating the same sort of thing over and over again,

That's]

No different from "not knowing," isn't it.

Banner: Akito's weapon (assassin's dagger) that attacked Kureno is now before Tohru's eyes!! Is Kyo about to repeat the mistake he'd made that time with Kyoko!?

To be continued in Issue 3, Jan 5, 2006 release.